How to Achieve Peace in Your Family and for Yourself

You know how it is when the family is bickering and fighting. The Domestic Church of your home becomes a battleground. Even more damaging is when parents are having problems getting along. Remember the old wives' tale about the children listening?

At a home where we were praying with a family, the 8-year-old said that her friends' Mom and Dad were fighting and hitting each other. This made the friend sad that it was happening, and she had a tear. If you are experiencing some shouting matches, please do not do it in front of your children. They carry that emotional scar into adulthood.

Peace comes with an expectation of some effort on your part.

Let me give you a real-life experience of mine:  I had a senior position at a company, and the President began to ridicule me and criticize my efforts without offering suggestions that would meet his approval. My first reaction was to quit. My second reaction was to argue. My third thought was that neither of the two reactions would solve the problem, and I wanted this position to work. I began to pray for the man. Oh, it was difficult at first, but then I found a rhythm, and when I could feel his attack coming on, I said a prayer for him. It took three months for his attitude toward me to change to a mentor relationship I cherish today. He died a few years after this, and I was glad I reconciled the relationship.

 Let us look at some scripture for ideas.

Gospel Luke 6:36-38

Jesus said to his disciples:
"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
 
"Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.

Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Give and gifts will be given to you;
a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing,
will be poured into your lap.

For the measure with which you measure
will in return be measured out to you."

 This is Jesus telling me that I need to be merciful. Mercy means showing or exercising mercy, including a generous helping of forgiveness.  Forgiving someone who did something or said something to or about you is the first step in peace. Holding a grudge is painful and takes energy. In most cases, you are the one being hurt because you are angry. It is your gut that is being churned up, and not the other person's.

Some ideas to help in your forgiveness:

1.   Can you shake it off and move on? The best way to move on is to pray for that person. If that does not work on Monday, repeat it on Tuesday until you come to peace with this person.

2.   Can you meet that person face to face and discuss the issue calmly and in a manner that Jesus would approve of? A guy who was a joker made fun of another somewhat shy guy. The shy guy advised the joker that he no longer wanted to be the one who this joker made fun of all the time. At first, the Joker took that as a “game on” and began to ramp up the attack until the shy guy told the Joker that it was hurting his feelings, and he did this in front of other people in the office. The result was the office agreed that they also were tired of the joker’s picking on them.

3.   Say someone cuts you off in traffic after an awful day at work. My first reaction was (past tense), and I cut him off. But a few years ago, I saw the reaction of a road rage encounter that ended with both new cars being totaled. Now, I let the offender go. Perhaps that person is trying to get to the hospital for a last moment with a loved one, or maybe this person is just dumb. Do not be dumber. Let the person go and pray for the rest of you in traffic with this aggressive driving. It is not worth the damage to your vehicle or your person to be disabled for life dealing with someone who has a death wish. Go, Greif; perhaps the car was stolen, and the offender has a gun. YIKES!

4.   Same with a person who is passionate about being special today! They cut before you at the grocery store or fast-food place. I first state that a line forms behind me and smile calmly. Sometimes, the embarrassed person will say sorry they did not see it. Sometimes a bully will challenge me, saying, “So what!” I refuse to let bullies ruin my day, so I just smile back and invite the person to “go ahead.” If someone else tries to step in, I ask the person if it is worth fighting for, and I make a point of saying it loud enough for the person to hear. You come out on top because you did not engage in a confrontation. Remember that you are trying to stay in a state of peace. Remember, what would Jesus do?

Look at the Gospel of Luke again. Jesus is telling me to STOP judging and condemning and begin a new day by giving up the hostile attitude. Smile, and get smiles back. Make a friendly comment to a stranger and get one back.

May I also suggest you seek out a priest you know is a good counselor and talk about your serious issue? These guys experience many complex problems that make a person sad or bothered. Remember that God wants you and me to be happy, not sad or annoyed.

I find the FACT that God loves all of us the same, even the evilest person you can think of. That person may NOT get to heaven, but God still loves them. So, be nice to your brothers and sisters out there.

-David Tay